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Crappy Anniversary

September 30, 2012


I finish taking your tables order when you lean over to the side and whisper to me, “It’s our anniversary” (pointing to some sweaty, overweight husband who definately doesn’t need a slice of whatever fattening desert, laced with crisco, that we offer for anniversaries). I say to you “Congratulations. It must be very special since you’re trying to hit me up for a free dessert.”

Honey, let’s spare no expense on our 10 year anniversary. I think we can get a free dessert at Dennys if we’re lucky.

From → Lame "Guests"

  1. javaj240 permalink

    We have a group that comes in at least once a week. They are the WORST people I have ever had the displeasure of waiting on. And that’s saying something. They absolutely suck. Every time they come in, they tell their server that it’s someone’s birthday at the table. So, of course, because I work for a corporate restaurant we have a “birthday song”. Every week we have to sing this idiotic song to one of the people at the table so that all five of them can share one scoop of free vanilla ice cream. Seriously.

    Last week, the server who waited on them asked for “proof” of the birthday. I was pissing my pants. Because she said she was going to do it. So, I lingered near the table so that I could hear her. They immediately asked for a manager, who just brought them the dessert and made us sing. But, it was worth it. Seeing their confused faces when she asked for the proof of the birthday was priceless.

    Instead of leaving her their usual generous $2.00 tip on a $150 check (Yup. That’s what they always leave. And that’s what their check usually is.), they left her nothing. She so did not care.

    But, they wonder why no one wants to wait on them. They wonder why no one is nice to them. And they wonder why we bedgrudge them their free birthday dessert.

    • Those are my favorite types of people… I am pretty sure it’s fucking impossible every week you have a birthday. People should have to prove it; screw you asshole let me see your marriage certificate.

      We had two songs, one for a birthday and one for an anniversary… honestly it was exactly the same song that some lame-ass worker came up with (that my parents have me sing every birthday to this day). We had to bang forks and plates together in time with our singing (that was never on time)…
      “Kings and Queens, and Princes too…
      Want to wish the best to you,
      Wish day,
      Wash day,
      What do ya say,
      Happy Birthday —- to you.” (horrible right??)

      The anniversary song is exactly the same but the last few lines are:
      “What do ya say,
      Great day,
      Happy Anniversary (pronounced sorr-ay) to you.”

      A group of over 50 people went out for dinner one night, one end had a birthday, the other had an anniversary so we sang the birthday song… and the anniversary woman was LIVID. Our boss made some offhand comment like “We would have sung the anniversary song, but it’s not as good.”
      The woman looked down her nose at us and barked “I want to hear it.”
      So we all gathered back into the circle and sang exactly the same song without any enthusiasm as it was rather embarrassing and stupid. We got the end and her face was dead pan.

      WELL FUCK YOU, you got what you asked for you jack wagon now go make each other miserable for another hundred years.

      • javaj240 permalink

        That’s awesome!

      • Hahahaha!! Thats hilarious!! People dont seem to get that servers usually arent professional singers. I would always make it a point to sing as bad as I could whenever I had to sing any sort of crappy song.

      • You have to; there is no other way of getting through it. I wonder when someone decided that the servers should sing instead of the 800 people that were there with them to celebrate. I love the tables that just take over and sing the normal birthday song, it’s much more genuine and at the very least those people know the birthday person’s name (usually). That’s a stupid tradition that should have died in the 70s.

      • Crackin me up! “Happy birthday dear (murmur)” I love it when no one knows the name. Thats a stupid tradition that should never have been born!!

      • Sonya permalink

        Are you kidding?! How else would you know who really doesn’t know your name and has just been like HEY YOU!!!! For years?

  2. You’re blog is fuckin hilarious from ex team member of Beefeater restaurants in the UK (look them u, they’re lame as fuck)

  3. Bawhahahahaha! I love it. And I’m an awesome tipper btw – I always leave a lot if I’m please – usually about 25-30% – if I’m not, I still leave something ….

  4. Hell.. anyone that can survive marriage deserves free desert. I say we skip the formality of hinting to the waitstaff that its a special occasion– If someone comes into a restaraunt wearing a wedding band you should automatically get a congratulatory mountain of cake with your check.

    • Well said. I guess I never really looked at it like that haha.

    • Mishka permalink

      Why give anything for free at all? Why do people feel like they’re entitled to a free dessert? Can’t pay the extra 6 bux?

  5. They are the type of customers I hate who always try and get something for free, there was this man who used to come in at my last restaurant job and complain every single time. It was obvious he did it to get something for free, and he did every week! In the end the management saw through him and asked him never to return. This was after over a year of this behavious though…

    • Those are the worse kind of customers. Its great that management kicked him out finally. I cant stand people like that.

  6. Is that not normal, then? Is it not supposed to happen that restaurants give out free food because of a coincidence in the calendar?! 😉

  7. Yea, in New York? No one gets free anything. No free refills on soda, no free birthday dessert, hell if the restaurant fucks up the food, they rarely comp it.

  8. Excellent ! It just discovered your blog and it’s so true !!!

  9. Ohmygosh these are so funny and so painfully true!! I was a server for way to many years and it’s funny how people are corny and ignorant in restaurants no matter where you are!!

  10. Mishka permalink

    I never ask for proof of a bday or anniversary etc, so I comp their $6 dessert.. and they dont’ tip on it??! WTF?! come on diners… learn to tip on comped items!

  11. She cooks permalink

    I used to be a server and it really really COULD be that this couple is just telling you it’s their anniversary for the sake of sharing the information and they actually don’t want anything free.

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