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Jesus Tips

September 24, 2012

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You’ve paid the bill and left me some sort of religious pamphlet as a tip. Luckily the name of the church you attend is on there so I can make sure to show my sincerest appreciation by placing your pamphlet into the collection basket. Thank you so much. Now go to hell.

Unfortunately, no matter how many times I read up on “The Power of God”, my gas tank just doesn’t seem to get filled up. But I’ll  tell you, dollar bills sure seem to do the trick everytime.

From → Lame "Guests"

20 Comments
  1. javaj240 permalink

    I hate that shit. Hate it!

  2. surroundedbyimbeciles permalink

    That has to be the worst.

  3. You should make up a “Church of [insert your name here]” pamphlet and hand it out along with the bill. Perhaps nestled nicely in a collection box of your own?

  4. Omg people actually do that??

  5. Jesus was probably a lousy tipper anyway.

  6. Brought a smile to my lips and it’s just a luvFAB.
    thebestdressup.

  7. Greg permalink

    I saw a bumper sticker the other day that read. “Jesus watches when you tip”. I don’t think that the pamplets were what it meant.

  8. GreedyFrog permalink

    This is even worse than not leaving anything at all! How rude!

  9. Now, if they left the pamphlet with a few dollars in, that would be a good sell for the ‘insert wacko church name here’ church?

  10. g0ddamn1t permalink

    Jeezus ain’t gonna put gas in my tank >:O this is bullshit!

  11. joanne permalink

    There is no excuse for meanness whether it is being mean by leaving a pamphlet (of any kind) rather than a tip or being mean to all Christians, including Jesus himself, because of someone’s stupidity. Let’s try to respect one another, folks.

  12. Hands down best topic ever? Yes.

    When working at Best Buy, seeing a million and twelve people a day during Christmas time I was still very cheery but one lady took it upon herself to slap down a 666 comic pamphlet and informed me “You need to read this!”

    Holy shit balls, the scariest thing I have ever read — its kept me away from comics for years —– but I felt like running after her and saying, who the fuck are you to tell me I need God in my life, not to mention the fact that I’m Catholic and we are far more hardcore religious about shit than your Christianity… the difference is I’m not a douche.

    That shit pisses me off to no end, and to pretend it’s a tip? Please. Hide behind God to cover up the fact that you are basically stealing.

  13. Sonya! You were the lucky recipient of a Chick tract! I tried posting the Wiki link here for you but can’t. Going to their main site may be a bit disturbing, so proceed with that in mind. Jack Chick is a rabidly violent Christian illustrator who must’ve read the Book of Revelations as a sweet bedtime story when he was a kid. These tracts and booklets, btw, were sold in the bookstore of the Independent Fundamentalist Baptist church I attended growing up. We kids thought they were entertaining and arousing, especially those of us who couldn’t watch TV because it’s so goddamn violent, you know. I read one… in FULL COLOR… showing a mentally deranged Satan worshiper chewing on human fingers. Because that’s what happens when you celebrate Halloween, kids…love Jesus today!

    These are sick people, and have been exposed before, but of course they can still publish. Churches sell their shit. Must be ok, right?

  14. HAHAHHA! This is hilarious :)!

  15. Hahahahahaha you should write a book!… or maybe a pamphlet! 😉

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