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Here’s A Tip For You

August 26, 2012

I understand that it is difficult for some people to figure out how much of a tip to leave on the bill. I can always pick out the cheapies by the way they hold the bill close to their faces, with squinted eyes, scanning each and every single itemized food and drink that’s on there. Then they gaze up towards the ceiling, as they try to recount each item coming to the table, in order to make sure they aren’t paying for the same soda twice. What a joke.

Well, here is a free tip sheet for you cheap bastards to help you figure out how much you don’twant to leave. I made sure to highlight the word free for you because I know that’s what catches your penny pinching eyes.

If the tip sheet is still too complicated for your tiny brain, here is another simple way for you to figure out how to tip.

Take the total. Let’s say it’s 35.53

Round to nearest dollar 36.00

Just move the decimal point over one number to the left = 3.60

Then double that to make 20% = 7.20

Servers usually have to tip out on the tips you give them. When you are tipping a server, you are also tipping the busser, hostess, bartender and in some places, the chefs as well. So when you leave me $2.03 on a twenty dollar check and you notice the smile disappear from my face, it’s only because I’d like to reenact the scene from Misery, when Kathy Bates smashes James Caans legs in with a sledge hammer. “I am your number one fan.”

From → Lame "Guests"

31 Comments
  1. Stop dissing my husband! I always have money in my purse to right his “penny pinching” tendencies 🙂

  2. Thank you for making a visual aid. I always overtip because I suck at restaurant math. I’m a smart woman, just have a disability in this area.

  3. javaj240 permalink

    Unfortunately most people err on the side of cheapness.

  4. In Australia we are not given any tip.

    • Probably paid more an hour I am assuming?

    • Mishka permalink

      When traveling, you don’t disregard a country’s culture and way of life. Would you shit on the table if it were part of your culture in another country?

  5. Unfortunately, you are going to have to experience cheapskates if you work in a restaurant. Trouble is spotting them before you give them great service.

  6. kris permalink

    I reluctantly comment but this is an issue that i have and feel strongly about. Im australian, we dont routinely tip unless we feel we have had outstanding service. Our staff are paid well for their job, a job just as worthy as any other job. I pay for my meals, i pay what is on the menu and dont think its my job (as a nurse being paid a menial salary) to boost someones elses salary. i dont get tips from patients for looking after them (and dont expect to) so why would i tip someone for serving me something i am paying for. Now living in london I stick with my view because of a very clear reason; if people continue to tip waiters then its never going to encourage or force employers to up the pay they pay.i agree salary for hospitality is a joke in the Uk and the States but i will never understand why its the customers problem to fix. Quite often for people with low paying jobs and families, a meal out is a rare event so why expect them to dig deeper into their pockets to hand over what might pay for their childs school lunch.

  7. Unfortunately many servers do get paid less than the minimum wage. That just the way it is. Its not your problem to fix, but I dont think its any surprise that servers make their living off of the tips they make. If anything, it makes your server want to give you better service. If a meal out is a rare event for persons with low paying jobs, they should still be prepared to tip when they go out, because its common knowledge (In the US anyway). If they cant afford to tip, then they should go eat at McDonalds and order a Big Mac. When you are paying the bill, you are paying for the cost of the food and the chef/cooks who prepared your meal. When you tip, you are paying the server for taking your order, bringing your food to your table, constantly refilling your beverages, and running back and forth for you over and over. Knowing that you know this and that you still dont tip your server is a real shame. I love it when the cheapskates come in the second time, so I can really show them what no tip service is really like 🙂

  8. I hate the lunch crowd. They’re always horrible tippers, in a hurry, picky as hell, and they run you butt off. I had one lady run me back and forth and be completely rude to me one day only to leave 50 cents. I was so pissed, I made sure my manager was in the back, then I flipped it at her and told her to keep it. Grrrrr!!!

  9. Margy Rydzynski permalink

    Reblogged this on Collectables and commented:
    Ba ha ha!

  10. petit4chocolatier permalink

    Many do not realize that the restaurant isn’t paying minimum wage to their employees either; including the hostess, busser, and bartender. And many do not realize how hard of work it really is and that besides being a bartender, hostess, and/or a waiter that you have to perform other jobs as well for the restaurant. Good post; as always!

  11. I always double the tax to calculate my tip, if it’s extra super because of my high demands or the waitstaff general upbeat personality, I give an extra buck or 2. In Sicily, tips ate included in the meal….

    • Mishka permalink

      Actually taxes vary from city to city. They average around 7-9% and some less than that. So essentially you’re not tipping extra, but the $2 extra goes a long way! Thanks to ppl like you. =]

  12. Absolutely love your blog – makes me laugh out loud.
    Bad tippers on good service are bad people – and I’m in Ireland. Waiting on tables is the hardest job I can possibly think of.

  13. bootsiesimon permalink

    The decimal method is exactly how I figure out the tip! So what if they get a couple extra bucks. 🙂 it’s just easier.

  14. That will be handy if I ever make it to the US (or another tipping country). We don’t generally tip in Australia so always get accused of cheapness overseas.

  15. Greg permalink

    How about the tip card. I love to see them pull them out.

  16. You should write the link to this blog on the bill you give to the customers!
    I think it’s great you provide this information about the serving world. I’ve never been a waiter, but can imagine the job sucks as much as the public servant jobs I’ve had before.

    Here’s a question for you about tipping. Does it piss you off when people leave coins instead of bills as a tip? Even if it’s a sufficient amount? My friend did this once and I felt it was bad form.

    • Read one of my posts- Keep the change ya filthy animal. Itll explain how I feel about tons of pennies and nickles being left as a tip. Im glad you like my blog thanks!!

  17. Funny, but painful. I luv your stuff.

  18. Good old mathematics….I’ve always done the move the decimal and double it trick. It always amazes me that people can’t seem to get that on their own and either have to get out their iphones or just make a ridiculous guess as to what a tip should be. Maybe it says almost as much about education (or lack thereof) of people…

  19. I have a friend who is a math wiz, works in some sort of tech job, she pulls out a tip card whenever we go out, I want to climb under the table when I see that.

  20. Even though tipping is included here. I tell the people who ask me that if you liked the service, the food and so on leave a tip that let’s them know. (Santorini, Greece)

  21. I’m sorry, but in busy restaurants on Friday or Saturday nights, I always check every item on the bill. I have been stiffed a couple of times—an extra drink or an extra entrée here and there. I know it’s almost always a mistake, but I’m not paying for it.
    Regarding the tipping, yeah I follow your shortcut rule—I’m glad it’s popular. But I calculate 20% of the pre-tax amount, usually. When I get extra-nice waiters who throw in a glass of wine or a tiramisu or something, I leave around 25%. It’s a fucking hard job. I have friends who’ve done it.

  22. I’ve tended bar and I’ve always felt if you cannot afford to tip properly you cannot afford to drink with me. Go find a brown bag instead.

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