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Uh, You’re An Idiot

October 5, 2012

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As I’m placing the salad that you ordered in front of you, you say “Uh, you forgot the dressing”. I reach back to my tray to grab the dressing and stare at you for 3 minutes before putting it down.

I’m not an octopus. Wait until everything is down on the table before you ask for something. Soda drinkers, don’t ask for a straw right away, be patient. Ice tea drinkers, don’t ask for sugar right away, be patient. Complimentary bread eaters, dont ask for butter right away, be patient, and since we’re talking about free bread, don’t ask for more than one basket refill. It’s annoying and I’m going to take longer to come back to your table because you’re going to fill up on bread and then you’re going to ask me to box up the food you ordered because you’re too full, but you’ll still want to see our dessert menu because you still have one more notch left on your fat ass belt that you can still use.Then to cap it all off, you’ll ask me for one more side of bread and ask to have that boxed up to go as well. Please, just die already.

From → Lame "Guests"

20 Comments
  1. I used to wait tables. Reading your blog brings back memories I’d rather died forever. You also make me laugh.

  2. Do you box things for people or do you just give them a box and have them put it in themselves ?

    • I always box food up for people because the sooner I do that, the sooner they are out the door! :)

  3. leekirs1 permalink

    Ah, the sweet bitterness of truth, appreciated.

  4. Hahaha! Thanks for following my blog. Just read a few of your posts and they’re awesome. I have worked in the restaurant industry for a very long time and wish I could have said SO many of these things. I’m excited to read more!

    • Thank you!! I think anyone whos had to deal with even just one customer would understand where Im coming from. A lot of my friends who’ve never worked in customer service, tell me that I sound too mean. But I tell them, if this happened to them all of the time, theyd understand. Anyhow, Im glad you like it thanks!!

  5. Hilarious blog! As someone who just got done working at Starbucks, I empathize on a certain level.

    • Thanks! Im sure you’ve gotten some real whiners working there. That seems to be a place where the sleepy, grouchy, people go to try and wake up. Congrats on getting outta there!!

  6. Love this – sorry too – I’m sure I’ve been guilty of these things at one time or another. But I’ll try to be better now…except I never get to go out anymore since I have 4 spawn….and snowboards.

  7. Wow! And I’m another one thanking you for the memories of waiting. God I use to hate it. When I stopped it took a good 5 years to be able to enjoy a meal or a drink without “working it”.
    Let ‘er rip, man

  8. I hate people – you’re speaking to just one of the many ways I’ve experienced their stupidity – as a bartender and waiter, LOL, loved when one of the counter creatures at the diner told me I should shorten my uniform and I told him I was there to pour his coffee not show him my legs, LOL…he was an old geezer and I was in college!

  9. Like your stuff, man. Funny. I worked in bars/restaurants for years. Gives you a real bad taste in your mouth for the public.

    • Bad taste indeed!! Thanks Ken, Im glad you like it. Anyone whos ever worked in a restaurant could probably identify.

  10. I once had a guy stick his hand up my skirt while I was pouring his coffee. I missed his cup and hit his lap, accidentally of course. Never had a problem with him again! Love your quirkiness!

  11. Watch Fawlty Towers and enjoy the antics. All restaurateurs should have a healthy sense of humor!

  12. ah thanks for the like, that was hilarious made me laugh out loud to myself, love the scarcasm, may I ask what country did this happen? excuse the ignorance, perhaps it’s bliss

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